Guidebook to Das Sekret Tagebuch Michael Schumachers

Michael Schumacher aka. Schumi, the Bootlet, the Scarlet Fox- the hero of this diary.  He is the god of F1 apparently, and he knows it himself!

Rubens (Barrichello) aka. the Other Guy, Rubinho- Michael's long suffering co-driver.  Has the bad luck of getting the unreliable cars, bad pitstops, and horrible strategies.  Has also been told on occasion to pull over and let Michael through while in a winning situation.

Corinna (Schumacher) - wife of the hero.

Frau Blucher - retired maid of the Schumacher household.  Whinges about having to polish all of Michael's trophies.  Consequently she is his lucky charm - when she left, he stopped winning any trophies for her to polish.

Jean (Todt) - Frenchy technical director for Ferrari.  Loves cross-dressing and cabaret - go to Google and find a picture of him, it's really easy to imagine him doing those sorts of things.

Ross (Brawn) - Brit Ferrari team boss.  Tough, laconic, but for some reason has no idea what Jean is doing behind closed doors.

Juan-Pablo (Montoya) - Schumacher's rival and major disappointment in F1 over the last 3 years.  Consequently Michael sees him as a good friend.

Ralf (Schumacher) - Younger bro of Herr Michael.  Also major disappointment of F1 (Gee those BMW-Williams guys sure know how to pick 'em!)

Kimi Raikkonen aka. Robo-Kimi, Kimi Psycho-nen, Iceman - 23 y.o. Finnish McLaren driver, leading the 2003 charge against Michael.  Does not know the brake pedal, yet still manages to get his way around Monaco (hence the Psycho tag).  Says little in interviews, doesn't show emotion in celebration or in disappointment.  Michael assumes that Ron Dennis programmed him this way, and accuses Kimi of having 0% humour, as compared with himself, who is 70% funnier in 2002.  This all may have started when Kimi won the Malaysian GP, ending the long run of German National Anthems played on the winners' podium, whereupon the Iceman remarked that "finally some proper music" was being played.

Mika Hakkinen aka. The Flying Finn - Retired Finnish McLaren driver, won 2 World Championships, Schumacher's most capable rival to date.  Donated Gunther the Tortoise to remind Michael of himself. As Kimi Raikkonen's predecessor, he was also programmed by Ron Dennis to say nothing in interviews.

(Luca di) Montezemolo - owner of Ferrari. Takes a 90% cut of everything Ferrari.

(Bernie) Ecclestone - owner of the F1 business.  Takes a 90% cut of everything.

Ron Dennis - Team boss of McLaren.  World-class robotics expert.

Alex Yoong - Minardi driver of 2002.  No one knows if he realises that we all know the Minardi isn't that bad.

Cora (Schumacher) - Ralf's wife.  Michael hates her guts.